whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
