Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
