I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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