I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
