you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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