since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
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I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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