Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
