She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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