The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
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Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
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sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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