3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
