Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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