god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
