D3 body, D1 cock
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
