windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
