Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
