Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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