you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Randomize
