apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He had one of those small greek statue penises
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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