We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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