No awkward lesbian experiences without me
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
