dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
