I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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