No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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