and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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