You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
