2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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