WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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