ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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