All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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