In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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