Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize