idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
