chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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