I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize