apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
you never un-have a 4some
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
