Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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