I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
