dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
