He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
