If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
