would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
