I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
