whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
