maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
