I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize