I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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