unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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