alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
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she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
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I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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