My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
