I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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