there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
