my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
