i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
