So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
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When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
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There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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