Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
