I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
