I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
