I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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