best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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