hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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