There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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