I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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