guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
