my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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