my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
