i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
