hotel room ftw
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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