just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
